Maybe you've heard those words that can feel like a little dagger to the heart: I'm not athletic. I'm not good at sports. I can't do that. You watch your child sit on the sidelines while other children run and play, and you feel that familiar worry creeping in. What if this belief follows them for years? What if they miss out on the joy of movement, the confidence that comes from physical play, the friendships built on playgrounds and fields?
Oh, my wonderful friend, I see you. I see the concern in your eyes, and I want you to know something WONDERFUL right from the start: you are not alone in this, and more importantly, this is not a problem to fix. This is a beautiful opportunity to help your child discover something magical about themselves.
In this post, we're going to explore what's really happening when a child says they're not athletic, what research reveals about physical confidence in young children, and gentle, practical ways to help your child build a relationship with movement that will serve them for a lifetime. Plus, I'll share a story from The Book of Inara that teaches children something profound about physical confidence.
The Truth About Physical Confidence
Here's something the Magic Book taught me that changed everything. When your child says they're not athletic, they're not actually talking about their body's capabilities. They're talking about how they FEEL about their body.
And here's the beautiful truth: research shows us that a child's willingness to engage in physical activities is much more influenced by their perceived competence than their actual ability. Think about that for a moment. It's not about whether they CAN run fast or throw far. It's about whether they BELIEVE they can. Whether they feel safe to try. Whether they feel like their body is a friend, not an enemy.
What Research Reveals
Studies on physical self-efficacy in 6-7 year old children show something profound. Fundamental motor skills and physical self-efficacy during this age are critical for overall development and long-term physical literacy. Building physical confidence now creates the foundation for lifelong healthy movement patterns. But it has to happen in an environment where children feel safe, valued, and celebrated for their unique way of moving.
Children's motivation to learn is increased when their learning environment fosters their sense of belonging, purpose, and agency.
— National Association for the Education of Young Children
This principle applies SO powerfully to physical activities. When children feel psychologically safe to explore movement without fear of judgment, when physical activities are presented as joyful play rather than competitive performance, they naturally develop confidence and competence.
Why Children Develop the 'Not Athletic' Belief
Your six or seven year old is at a SPECIAL developmental stage. They're becoming more aware of how they compare to others. They're noticing who runs fastest, who climbs highest, who gets picked first for teams. And if they see other children doing something that looks easy for them, and it feels hard for your child, their brain might be telling them a story: Not athletic. Not good at this. Better not to try.
Here are some common reasons children develop this belief:
- Comparison to peers: They notice other children who seem naturally gifted at physical activities and assume they don't measure up.
- Fear of failure: If something doesn't go perfectly the first time, they may give up quickly rather than risk looking incompetent.
- Lack of exposure: They haven't yet found the type of movement that feels joyful and natural to their unique body.
- Pressure or criticism: Even well-meaning comments about performance can make children feel like their worth is tied to athletic ability.
- Developmental timing: Some children's bodies develop motor skills at different rates, and that's perfectly normal.
The beautiful thing is that none of these reasons mean your child isn't capable. They just mean your child needs a different approach, one that focuses on joy, exploration, and belonging rather than performance and comparison.
The Social Nature of Physical Confidence
Research reveals something else that's really important. Team sports and social physical activities provide enhanced psychological benefits compared to solitary activities. The social nature of participation builds connection, cooperation, and confidence. Sport participation is associated with improved self-esteem and social interaction in children.
But here's the key: it's not about being the best. It's not about winning. It's about feeling like you belong.
When children feel a sense of belonging in physical activities, when they experience movement as connection rather than competition, something magical happens. Their motivation to participate increases naturally. They start to see their body not as something that's failing them, but as something that's learning, growing, discovering its own unique strengths.
Gentle Strategies to Build Physical Confidence
So what does this mean for you, my wonderful friend? It means we get to shift our entire perspective. Instead of worrying that your child isn't athletic enough, we get to help them discover that every body moves differently, and that is perfectly, beautifully wonderful.
1. Focus on Effort and Persistence, Not Performance
When you see your child trying something physical, celebrate the trying. Instead of saying Good job or You're so fast, try phrases like:
- Your body is learning something new.
- I'm so proud of you for practicing.
- You didn't give up, and that takes real strength.
- I love watching you explore what your body can do.
These words shift the focus from outcome to process, from performance to persistence. And that's where real confidence grows.
2. Help Them Find THEIR Movement
Not every child will love soccer or basketball, and that's okay. Some children find joy in swimming, in dancing, in hiking, in yoga, in martial arts, in climbing trees. The goal isn't to make them good at sports. The goal is to help them find movement that makes their body feel alive and happy.
Ask your child: What makes your body feel good? What do you love doing with your body? Then follow their lead. If they love being outside looking at bugs and climbing on rocks, that IS movement. That's their body exploring the world in a way that feels safe and interesting to them.
3. Create Opportunities for Non-Competitive Physical Play
Play catch in the backyard without keeping score. Go on nature walks and notice how your bodies feel. Dance in the living room just for the joy of it. Ride bikes together. Build obstacle courses. Have silly races where everyone wins.
The more your child experiences movement as joyful connection rather than competitive performance, the more their confidence will grow. They'll start to associate physical activity with fun, with family time, with feeling good in their body.
4. Model Positive Body Talk
Talk about your own body with kindness. Share when movement feels good to you. Let your child see that physical activity isn't about being perfect, it's about feeling alive in your body. Avoid negative comments about your own or others' bodies or athletic abilities.
5. Celebrate Small Victories
Notice and celebrate when your child tries something new, persists through a challenge, or simply enjoys moving their body. These small moments of recognition build confidence over time.
A Story That Can Help
In The Book of Inara, we have a beautiful story that speaks to this challenge in such a powerful way:
The Condor and the Hummingbird
Perfect for: Ages 6-7
What makes it special: This Peruvian folktale powerfully demonstrates that persistence and steady effort matter more than natural physical advantages. When a child believes they are not athletic, they often feel they lack innate ability. This story shows that dedication and never giving up can achieve more than relying on natural strength alone.
The story: Mighty Condor rules the sky with his enormous wingspan and natural power. He's confident, strong, everything we might think of as naturally athletic. Far below, tiny Swift Hummingbird works tirelessly, visiting hundreds of flowers with unwavering determination. When these two very different birds meet, Condor suggests a race, certain of easy victory. But Hummingbird never stops. While Condor rests, overconfident in his natural abilities, Hummingbird keeps going through the night. When morning comes, Hummingbird wins the race, proving that persistence and steady effort can triumph over raw power.
Key lesson: When tiny Swift Hummingbird wins the race through persistent effort while mighty Condor relied on natural power, children learn that steady dedication matters more than being naturally gifted at physical activities.
How to use it: After reading this story with your child, help them identify their own steady efforts in physical activities. Celebrate persistence over performance. Help them see that Condor's natural power wasn't enough without dedication, and Hummingbird's small size didn't stop her from achieving something amazing.
You're Doing Beautifully
My dear friend, here's what I want you to remember. Your child isn't broken. They don't need to be fixed. They need to feel safe. They need to feel valued. They need to discover that their body is capable of joyful movement in whatever form feels right for them.
The evidence is so clear. When children feel a sense of belonging, purpose, and agency in physical activities, their motivation to participate increases significantly. When they're challenged at a level just beyond their current mastery with opportunities to practice, they grow. When physical development is supported alongside social, emotional, and cognitive development, everything flourishes together.
Building physical confidence is like growing a garden under moonlight. You can't rush it. You can't force it. But you can create the conditions where it naturally blooms. And you're already doing that by asking these questions, by seeking understanding, by approaching this with such love and thoughtfulness.
So tonight, or tomorrow, or whenever feels right, sit with your child. Tell them about Condor and Hummingbird. Ask them what kind of mover they think they are. Help them see that there's no one right way to have a body, no one right way to move, no one right way to be physical.
And then, my wonderful friend, watch the magic unfold. Watch as your child begins to see their body not as something that's failing them, but as something that's learning, growing, discovering its own unique strengths.
With love and starlight, Inara
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Show transcript
Hello, my wonderful friend! It's me, Inara, and I am so happy you're here today. You know, the Magic Book and I have been noticing something that's been weighing on many parents' hearts lately. Maybe you've heard your child say those words that can feel like a little dagger to the heart—I'm not athletic. I'm not good at sports. I can't do that.
And oh, my dear friend, I see you. I see the worry in your eyes when your child sits on the sidelines while other children run and play. I see the concern when they avoid physical education class or make excuses not to join team activities. And I want you to know something WONDERFUL right from the start—you are not alone in this, and more importantly, this is not a problem to fix. This is a beautiful opportunity to help your child discover something magical about themselves.
So grab a cozy cup of tea, settle in with me, and let's talk about what's really happening when a child says they're not athletic, and how we can help them build the kind of physical confidence that lasts a lifetime.
First, let me share something the Magic Book taught me that changed everything. When your child says they're not athletic, they're not actually talking about their body's capabilities. They're talking about how they FEEL about their body. And here's the beautiful truth—research shows us that a child's willingness to engage in physical activities is much more influenced by their perceived competence than their actual ability.
Think about that for a moment. It's not about whether they CAN run fast or throw far. It's about whether they BELIEVE they can. Whether they feel safe to try. Whether they feel like their body is a friend, not an enemy.
The National Association for the Education of Young Children tells us something profound. Children's motivation to learn increases when their environment fosters a sense of belonging, purpose, and agency. And this applies SO powerfully to physical activities. When children feel psychologically safe to explore movement without fear of judgment, when physical activities are presented as joyful play rather than competitive performance, they naturally develop confidence and competence.
Now, let me tell you what the research reveals. Studies show that team sports and social physical activities provide enhanced psychological benefits compared to solitary activities. The social nature of participation builds connection, cooperation, and confidence. Sport participation is associated with improved self-esteem and social interaction in children. But here's the key—it's not about being the best. It's about feeling like you belong.
Your six or seven year old is at such a SPECIAL developmental stage. This is when fundamental motor skills and physical self-efficacy become critical for their overall development and long-term physical literacy. Building physical confidence now creates the foundation for lifelong healthy movement patterns. But it has to happen in an environment where they feel safe, where they feel valued, where they feel like their unique way of moving is celebrated, not compared.
So what does this mean for you, my wonderful friend? It means we get to shift our entire perspective. Instead of worrying that your child isn't athletic enough, we get to help them discover that every body moves differently, and that is perfectly, beautifully wonderful.
Here are some gentle ways to support your child's physical confidence. First, focus on effort and persistence, not performance. When you see your child trying something physical, celebrate the trying. Your body is learning something new. I'm so proud of you for practicing. You didn't give up, and that takes real strength.
Second, help them find THEIR movement. Not every child will love soccer or basketball, and that's okay. Some children find joy in swimming, in dancing, in hiking, in yoga, in martial arts, in climbing trees. The goal isn't to make them good at sports. The goal is to help them find movement that makes their body feel alive and happy.
Third, create opportunities for non-competitive physical play. Play catch in the backyard without keeping score. Go on nature walks and notice how your bodies feel. Dance in the living room just for the joy of it. Ride bikes together. The more your child experiences movement as joyful connection rather than competitive performance, the more their confidence will grow.
And here's something WONDERFUL—you can model this yourself. Talk about your own body with kindness. Share when movement feels good to you. Let your child see that physical activity isn't about being perfect, it's about feeling alive in your body.
Now, let me tell you about a story that the Magic Book holds that speaks to this so beautifully. It's called The Condor and the Hummingbird, and it's a traditional Peruvian folktale that teaches something profound about physical confidence.
In this story, mighty Condor rules the sky with his enormous wingspan and natural power. He's confident, he's strong, he's everything we might think of as naturally athletic. Far below, tiny Swift Hummingbird works tirelessly, visiting hundreds of flowers with unwavering determination. When these two very different birds meet, Condor is amused by the tiny creature and suggests a race, certain of easy victory.
But here's where the magic happens. Hummingbird never stops. While Condor rests, overconfident in his natural abilities, Hummingbird keeps going through the night, her dedication transcending normal limits. And when morning comes, Hummingbird wins the race, proving that persistence and steady effort can triumph over raw power.
This story is SO special for children who believe they're not athletic. It shows them that physical confidence doesn't come from being naturally gifted. It comes from persistence, from finding your own rhythm, from never giving up. Every child who hears this story learns that their unique way of moving, their steady efforts, their determination—these matter more than being the biggest or the fastest or the strongest.
After you share this story with your child, you can help them identify their own steady efforts in physical activities. You can celebrate persistence over performance. You can help them see that Condor's natural power wasn't enough without dedication, and Hummingbird's small size didn't stop her from achieving something amazing.
My dear friend, here's what I want you to remember. Your child isn't broken. They don't need to be fixed. They need to feel safe. They need to feel valued. They need to discover that their body is capable of joyful movement in whatever form feels right for them.
The evidence is so clear. When children feel a sense of belonging, purpose, and agency in physical activities, their motivation to participate increases significantly. When they're challenged at a level just beyond their current mastery with opportunities to practice, they grow. When physical development is supported alongside social, emotional, and cognitive development, everything flourishes together.
So tonight, or tomorrow, or whenever feels right, sit with your child. Tell them about Condor and Hummingbird. Ask them what kind of mover they think they are. Help them see that there's no one right way to have a body, no one right way to move, no one right way to be physical.
And then, my wonderful friend, watch the magic unfold. Watch as your child begins to see their body not as something that's failing them, but as something that's learning, growing, discovering its own unique strengths.
The Magic Book and I are always here for you. You can find The Condor and the Hummingbird and so many other stories that support your child's confidence in The Book of Inara. Each story is crafted with love to help children see themselves as capable, worthy, and wonderful exactly as they are.
You're doing beautifully, my friend. Your child is so lucky to have you. With love and starlight, Inara.
