Your child is in the middle of an intense emotional outburst. Their face is red, tears are streaming, and nothing you say seems to help. You have tried staying calm, you have tried reasoning, you have tried everything you can think of. But the meltdown continues for what feels like hours. You feel exhausted, helpless, and maybe even a little hopeless. You wonder if you are doing something wrong, or if your child will ever learn to manage these big feelings.
Dear parent, I want you to know something really important. You are not alone in this. What you are experiencing is one of the most challenging aspects of parenting a school-age child, and it is SO much more common than you might think. The fact that you are here, seeking to understand your child better, tells me everything I need to know about the kind of parent you are. You are showing up. You are trying. You are loving your child through the hard moments.
In this post, I am going to share what the Magic Book and I have learned about emotional dysregulation in children ages 6-7. You will discover what is really happening in your child's brain during these intense moments, why this age is such a critical time for emotional development, and gentle, research-backed strategies that actually work. Most importantly, you will learn that there is so much hope ahead.
What Is Emotional Dysregulation?
Let me start by explaining what we mean by emotional dysregulation. When we say a child is experiencing emotional dysregulation, we are talking about their difficulty managing and responding to emotional experiences in a way that is appropriate for their age and situation. For school-age children, this often looks like intense outbursts, prolonged crying or anger, difficulty calming down, and reactions that seem disproportionate to the trigger.
Here is what is SO important to understand. Emotional dysregulation is not misbehavior. It is not manipulation. It is not your child being difficult on purpose. It is their developing brain learning one of the most complex skills of childhood: how to manage overwhelming feelings.
Think of it this way. Your child's emotional center is like a powerful engine that is already running at full speed. But the brakes, the part of the brain that helps them slow down and manage those big feelings, are still being built. That is why these outbursts can feel so intense and last so long. Their feelings are REAL and BIG, but they do not yet have all the tools they need to regulate them.
What Happens in Your Child's Brain During Outbursts
Between the ages of 6 and 7, something absolutely fascinating is happening inside your child's brain. The limbic system, which is the part of the brain that processes emotions, and the frontal lobe, which helps with self-control and decision-making, are both developing rapidly. This is HUGE developmental work.
Research shows that during this critical period, children are actively learning impulse control and emotional regulation skills. The limbic system is already quite active, generating strong emotional responses to everyday situations. But the prefrontal cortex, which helps regulate those emotions and make thoughtful decisions, is still maturing. In fact, this part of the brain will not be fully developed until your child is in their mid-twenties.
Sensitive and available supportive caregiving is essential to establish attachment and the skill set that follows, including emotional regulation and self-control.
— Fatima Malik and Raman Marwaha, StatPearls
What does this mean for you as a parent? It means that when your child has an explosive outburst, their brain is not being difficult. Their brain is in the middle of learning. Every single one of these challenging moments is an opportunity for growth. When you respond with calm presence and empathy, you are literally helping to build the neural pathways that will eventually help your child manage their emotions more easily.
Why Explosive Behavior Happens
Experts at the Child Mind Institute have identified several key reasons why school-age children experience explosive behavior. Understanding these reasons can help you respond with more compassion and effectiveness.
Underdeveloped Problem-Solving Skills
When children encounter frustration or disappointment, they need to be able to think through solutions. But at ages 6-7, these problem-solving skills are still developing. When faced with a challenge they cannot solve, their nervous system can become overwhelmed, leading to an outburst.
Difficulty Expressing Feelings with Words
Sometimes the feelings are just too big for words. Your child might feel frustrated, disappointed, embarrassed, or overwhelmed, but they do not yet have the vocabulary or emotional awareness to express what they are feeling. The emotion has to go somewhere, and it often comes out as an explosive outburst.
Underlying Factors
Research shows that underlying conditions like ADHD, anxiety, autism, or sensory sensitivities can make emotional regulation even harder. If your child's outbursts are very frequent or interfering with their ability to enjoy school, friendships, or family life, it might be helpful to talk with your pediatrician or a child psychologist. There is absolutely no shame in seeking support. In fact, reaching out for help is one of the most loving things you can do for your child.
Gentle Strategies That Actually Work
Now let me share some gentle, research-backed strategies that can help you support your child through these intense emotional moments. These strategies are grounded in what we know about child development and nervous system regulation.
1. Stay as Calm as You Can
I know this is easier said than done when your child is in the middle of an intense outburst. But your calm presence is like an anchor for them. When their nervous system is overwhelmed, your regulated nervous system helps them find their way back to calm. Take deep breaths. Remind yourself that this is temporary and that your child is learning. Your calm is contagious.
2. Identify Patterns and Triggers
Does your child have more outbursts when they are tired, hungry, or overstimulated? Do certain transitions or changes in routine seem to set them off? When you can anticipate these triggers, you can sometimes prevent the outburst before it starts, or at least be more prepared to support your child through it. Keep a simple log for a week or two to see if patterns emerge.
3. Teach Problem-Solving Skills During Calm Moments
When your child is regulated and happy, that is the perfect time to practice talking through feelings and brainstorming solutions to common frustrations. You might say something like, "What could we do next time you feel really frustrated? Should we take some deep breaths together? Should we go to your calm-down corner? Should we ask for a hug?" When children have a plan, they feel more empowered.
4. Validate Feelings While Setting Gentle Boundaries
You can say things like, "I can see you are feeling really angry right now, and that is okay. Everyone feels angry sometimes. But I cannot let you throw things because that is not safe. Let us find a safe way to let those big feelings out." This helps your child understand that all feelings are acceptable, but not all behaviors are. It teaches them that they can feel their feelings AND make safe choices.
5. Create a Calm-Down Space
Work with your child to create a special space in your home where they can go when they need to regulate. Fill it with soft pillows, calming sensory items, books, and maybe some art supplies. Make it a cozy, safe place where big feelings are welcome. Practice using this space during calm times so it feels familiar when they really need it.
Stories That Can Help
In The Book of Inara, we have beautiful stories that bring these concepts to life for your child. Stories are such a powerful way to help children understand their emotions and learn new skills in a gentle, non-threatening way.
The Warmth That Connects Us All
Perfect for: Ages 6-7
What makes it special: This story directly addresses understanding anger through the theme of invisible bonds of care and empathy. Lucas and Ella discover an ancient sauna that holds gentle steam carrying whispered messages of love from family members near and far. As they explore, they learn something really important about managing big feelings through connection.
Key lesson: Even when emotions feel overwhelming, children are still connected to the people who love them. Big feelings are normal, and staying connected to caring relationships helps us manage those feelings more easily.
How to use it: After reading this story with your child, talk about how everyone in your family experiences big feelings sometimes, and how you can help each other when those feelings get really strong. Ask your child, "When you feel really angry or upset, who helps you feel better? What does that feel like?"
The Beautiful Truth About This Phase
Here is what the Magic Book taught me, and what I want you to hold onto during the hardest moments. Every single outburst, every challenging meltdown, every moment when you feel like you are not getting through to your child, is actually your child's brain practicing and growing. With your patient, loving support, they ARE developing the emotional regulation skills they need.
Research is clear on this. Children whose caregivers respond with empathy and patience during emotional dysregulation develop significantly better self-regulation skills as they mature. You are not just surviving these moments. You are actively supporting your child's brain development. You are teaching them that their feelings are valid, that they are safe even when emotions feel big, and that you will be there to help them through it.
This phase will not last forever. I promise you that. The skills you are teaching now, the calm presence you are modeling, the boundaries you are setting with love, all of this is building a foundation for your child's lifelong emotional health.
You Are Doing Beautifully
Before we close, I want to remind you of something REALLY important. Parenting a child through intense emotions is exhausting. There will be days when you feel like you are not doing enough, when you lose your patience, when you wonder if anything you are doing is making a difference. Those feelings are SO normal.
But the fact that you are here, learning and seeking to understand your child better, tells me everything I need to know. You are a wonderful parent. You are showing up for your child in the ways that matter most. You are choosing empathy over punishment, understanding over judgment, connection over control. That is BEAUTIFUL work.
The Magic Book and I believe in you. Your child's brain is learning and growing every single day, and with your patient, loving support, they will develop the emotional regulation skills they need. There is so much hope ahead, dear parent. So much hope.
With love and starlight, Inara
Related Articles
- How to Nurture Your Child's Empathy and World-Changing Impact (Ages 6-7)
- Nurturing Your Child Innovation Mindset: A Gentle Guide for Ages 6-7
- When Your Child Makes Insensitive Comments: A Gentle Guide to Teaching Cultural Awareness
- When Your Child Expresses Thoughts of Self-Harm: Getting Help Now
- Nurturing Purpose and Meaning in Young Children: A Gentle Guide for Parents
Show transcript
Hello, wonderful parent! It is me, Inara, and I am so glad you are here today. I want to start by saying something really important. If you are watching this because your child has intense emotional outbursts that last for hours, I see you. I truly see you. This is one of the hardest challenges a parent can face, and you are not alone in this journey.
You know, the Magic Book and I have been learning so much about what happens in a child's brain during these big emotional moments, and I want to share something with you that might change how you see these outbursts. Are you ready? Here it is. When your child experiences these prolonged, intense emotions, their brain is not being difficult. Their brain is actually in the middle of one of the most important learning processes of childhood. They are learning emotional regulation, and that is HUGE work.
Let me explain what I mean. Between the ages of six and seven, something absolutely fascinating is happening inside your child's brain. The limbic system, which is the part of the brain that processes emotions, and the frontal lobe, which helps with self-control and decision-making, are both developing rapidly. Think of it like this. Your child's emotional center is like a powerful engine that is already running at full speed, but the brakes, the part that helps them slow down and manage those big feelings, are still being built. That is why these outbursts can feel so intense and last so long.
Research from child development experts, including the wonderful team at the Child Mind Institute, shows us that explosive behavior in school-age children often comes from a combination of things. First, children at this age are still developing problem-solving skills. When they encounter frustration or disappointment, they do not yet have all the tools they need to work through those feelings calmly. Second, they are learning how to express their emotions with words, and sometimes the feelings are just too big for words. And third, there might be underlying factors like anxiety, sensory sensitivities, or attention challenges that make emotional regulation even harder.
But here is the beautiful truth that the Magic Book taught me. Every single one of these outbursts is an opportunity for your child's brain to practice and grow. When you respond with calm presence and empathy, you are literally helping to build those neural pathways that will eventually help your child manage their emotions more easily. You are not just surviving these moments. You are actively supporting your child's brain development.
So what can you do to help? Let me share some gentle strategies that research shows really work. First, stay as calm as you can. I know that is easier said than done when your child is in the middle of an intense outburst, but your calm presence is like an anchor for them. When their nervous system is overwhelmed, your regulated nervous system helps them find their way back to calm. Take deep breaths. Remind yourself that this is temporary and that your child is learning.
Second, try to identify patterns and triggers. Does your child have more outbursts when they are tired, hungry, or overstimulated? Do certain transitions or changes in routine seem to set them off? When you can anticipate these triggers, you can sometimes prevent the outburst before it starts, or at least be more prepared to support your child through it.
Third, teach problem-solving skills during calm moments. When your child is regulated and happy, that is the perfect time to practice talking through feelings and brainstorming solutions to common frustrations. You might say something like, what could we do next time you feel really frustrated? Should we take some deep breaths together? Should we go to your calm-down corner? Should we ask for a hug? When children have a plan, they feel more empowered.
And fourth, validate their feelings while setting gentle boundaries. You can say things like, I can see you are feeling really angry right now, and that is okay. Everyone feels angry sometimes. But I cannot let you throw things because that is not safe. Let us find a safe way to let those big feelings out. This helps your child understand that all feelings are acceptable, but not all behaviors are.
Now, I want to tell you about a story that might really help. In The Book of Inara, there is a beautiful story called The Warmth That Connects Us All. In this story, Lucas and Ella discover an ancient sauna that holds gentle steam carrying whispered messages of love from family members near and far. As they explore, they learn about invisible bonds of care and empathy, and they discover something really important about understanding anger and big feelings.
What I love about this story is how it shows children that even when emotions feel overwhelming, they are still connected to the people who love them. It teaches that big feelings are normal, and that staying connected to caring relationships helps us manage those feelings more easily. After you read this story with your child, you might talk about how everyone in your family experiences big feelings sometimes, and how you can help each other when those feelings get really strong.
I also want you to know that if these outbursts are happening very frequently, or if they are interfering with your child's ability to enjoy school, friendships, or family life, it might be helpful to talk with your pediatrician or a child psychologist. Sometimes children need extra support, and there is absolutely no shame in seeking help. In fact, reaching out for support is one of the most loving things you can do for your child.
Before we close, I want to remind you of something really important. You are doing such beautiful work. Parenting a child through intense emotions is exhausting, and there will be days when you feel like you are not doing enough. But the fact that you are here, learning and seeking to understand your child better, tells me everything I need to know about the kind of parent you are. You are showing up. You are trying. You are loving your child through the hard moments. And that is exactly what they need.
The Magic Book and I believe in you. Your child's brain is learning and growing every single day, and with your patient, loving support, they will develop the emotional regulation skills they need. This phase will not last forever. There is so much hope ahead.
Sweet dreams and gentle days, wonderful parent. Until our next adventure together! With love and starlight, Inara.
