Your toddler just stacked three blocks into a wobbly tower. Their little face lights up with pride, and they turn to you with sparkling eyes, waiting for your response. In this moment, you might say "Good job!" and move on with your day. But here's something WONDERFUL the Magic Book taught me: this tiny moment holds incredible power to shape your child's confidence for years to come.
If you've ever wondered whether you're celebrating your little one's achievements in the right way, or if you've worried that you might be praising too much or not enough, take a deep breath. You're exactly where you need to be, and you're not alone in asking these questions. SO many parents are discovering that HOW we celebrate matters even more than how often we do it.
Today, I want to share something truly magical with you. Research shows that the words you choose when your toddler accomplishes something, whether it's tiny or tremendous, are planting seeds that will bloom throughout their childhood. Let's explore the beautiful science of building healthy self-esteem and discover why celebrating effort creates confidence that lasts a lifetime.
The Critical Window: Why Ages 2-3 Matter SO Much
Your toddler, right now, between ages two and three, is in one of the most magical windows for building self-esteem and confidence. Every time they put on their own shoe, wash their hands by themselves, or help you with a simple task, something incredible is happening inside their growing heart. They're discovering what they're capable of, and how you respond to these moments shapes how they see themselves.
The experts at Zero to Three, an organization dedicated to early childhood development, observe that toddlers this age love to help with grown-up tasks and feel great pride when they can show you what they've accomplished. That pride is SO important. It's the foundation of healthy self-esteem.
Here's what makes this stage so special: your toddler is actively constructing their sense of self. They're learning to answer the question "What am I capable of?" And the beautiful truth is, your responses are teaching them the answer. When you celebrate their efforts with warmth and specificity, you're helping them build an internal voice that says "I can do hard things. I can keep trying. I am capable."
What's Happening in Your Toddler's Brain
During these precious years, your child's brain is developing at an astonishing rate. They're forming neural pathways that will influence how they approach challenges for the rest of their lives. When they experience mastery, when they accomplish something through effort and persistence, their brain releases feel-good chemicals that reinforce the behavior. They're literally learning that trying hard feels GOOD.
But here's where it gets even more interesting. Research shows that it's not just the accomplishment itself that matters. It's the recognition they receive, the way their effort is noticed and celebrated, that helps them internalize a sense of capability and pride.
The Game-Changing Research: Process Praise vs. Outcome Praise
Here's something that might surprise you, something the Magic Book whispered to me that changed everything. Dr. Elizabeth Gunderson's groundbreaking research at the University of Chicago discovered something remarkable: the WAY we praise our children actually predicts their confidence and resilience five years later. Five years! That means the words you choose today, in this very moment, are planting seeds that will bloom throughout your child's childhood.
"Process praise given to toddlers ages 1-3 predicts their motivational frameworks five years later, demonstrating the lasting impact of how parents celebrate early accomplishments."
— Dr. Elizabeth Gunderson, University of Chicago
So what's the difference between process praise and outcome praise? Let me show you with an example that makes it crystal clear.
Outcome Praise (What We Often Do)
Imagine your toddler is trying to put their toys in the basket. Some toys make it in, some bounce out. Finally, most of the toys are in the basket. You say: "Good job! The room is clean!"
This is outcome praise. You're celebrating the result, the clean room. And that's lovely! It shows your child you noticed and you care. But here's what's missing: your child doesn't learn WHAT they did well or WHY it matters.
Process Praise (The Magic Shift)
Now imagine the same scenario, but this time you say: "Wow, you worked so hard to put those toys away! I saw you keep trying even when some bounced out. That took real patience!"
Do you feel the difference? In this response, you're noticing their effort, their persistence, their patience. You're teaching them that what matters isn't just the clean room, it's the courage to keep trying. And THAT, my wonderful friend, is what builds lasting confidence.
When toddlers receive process praise, praising the effort and the journey, they develop what experts call a growth mindset. They learn that their abilities can grow through practice and persistence. But when they only hear outcome praise, praising the result, they can become afraid to try new things because they worry about failing.
Four Beautiful Strategies to Nurture Pride
The Magic Book and I want to share some gentle strategies that will help you celebrate your toddler's accomplishments in ways that build genuine, lasting confidence. These aren't complicated techniques that require perfect execution. They're simple shifts in how you notice and respond to your child's efforts.
1. Notice the Small Victories
Your toddler doesn't need to climb a mountain to deserve celebration. When they wash their hands by themselves, when they share a toy with a friend, when they try a new food even if they don't like it, these are ALL accomplishments worth noticing.
You might say: "I noticed you shared your truck with your friend. That was kind and generous of you." Or: "You tried the broccoli! That took courage to taste something new."
The National Association for the Education of Young Children reminds us that listening to children attentively and reflectively enhances their self-worth and confidence. So when your child shows you something they've done, give them your full attention. Put down your phone, get down to their level, look them in the eyes, and really SEE what they've accomplished.
2. Be Specific in Your Praise
Instead of just saying "Great job," describe what you saw. "You climbed all the way to the top of the slide! You were so careful with each step." This helps your child understand exactly what they did well, and it shows them you were really paying attention.
Specific praise also helps children develop self-awareness. They begin to notice their own efforts and strategies. They start to understand WHAT works and WHY, which helps them replicate success in the future.
3. Celebrate the Struggle, Not Just the Success
This is SO important, and it's something many of us weren't taught as children. When your child is working hard on something difficult, you can say: "This is tricky, isn't it? I can see you're really concentrating. Keep going! You're learning!"
This teaches them that challenges are normal and that effort itself is valuable. It helps them understand that struggling doesn't mean failing. It means growing. And that's BEAUTIFUL.
Research from the Raising Children Network emphasizes that balanced feedback that praises effort rather than outcomes nurtures healthy self-esteem. When children learn that the process matters as much as the product, they become more willing to take on challenges and persist through difficulties.
4. Let Them Feel Proud of Themselves
Sometimes, instead of immediately praising, you can ask: "How do you feel about what you just did?" or "Are you proud of yourself?" This helps them develop internal motivation, where they feel good about their accomplishments because THEY value them, not just because you do.
This is one of the most powerful gifts you can give your child: the ability to recognize and celebrate their own growth. When children develop this internal compass, they become more resilient, more self-directed, and more confident in their own judgment.
What This Looks Like in Real Life
Let me paint you a picture of how this works in everyday moments, because I know that parenting isn't about perfect responses. It's about showing up with love and doing your best.
Your toddler is learning to put on their shoes. They're struggling, getting frustrated. Their little fingers can't quite manage the velcro strap. In this moment, you might feel tempted to just do it for them. After all, you're running late, and it would be SO much faster.
But here's the magic: this moment right here, this struggle, this is where confidence is built. Not when they succeed, but when they keep trying.
You could say: "I see you working so hard on that shoe! The velcro is tricky. You're being so patient with yourself. Do you want to keep trying, or would you like me to help you?"
Notice what you've done here. You've acknowledged their effort. You've validated that the task is challenging. You've praised their patience. And you've given them agency to choose whether to continue or ask for help. All of this builds confidence.
Or imagine your toddler is building with blocks. They stack four blocks high, and the tower tumbles down. They look disappointed. You could say: "Oh no, it fell! But wow, you got FOUR blocks high! That's higher than yesterday. Your hands are getting so steady. Want to try again?"
You've reframed the "failure" as progress. You've celebrated the effort and the improvement. You've encouraged persistence. And you've helped them see that trying again is part of the joy, not a punishment.
Stories That Bring This to Life
Here's something I absolutely love about The Book of Inara: we have beautiful stories that teach these concepts to children in ways that stick in their hearts. Let me tell you about a story that shows this lesson perfectly.
The Kangaroo Who Learned to Hop
Perfect for: Ages 2-3
What makes it special: In this gentle tale, Young Kangaroo is learning something that seems impossible at first. He watches other animals hopping with such grace and freedom, and he wants so badly to do the same. But his legs wobble and shake, and he tumbles down again and again onto the soft red earth.
Then he meets Wise Wallaby, a patient teacher with kind eyes and years of experience. And here's where the magic happens. Wise Wallaby doesn't just tell Young Kangaroo he's doing great. He celebrates each tiny step of progress. When Young Kangaroo takes his very first hop, just a tiny little bounce in the soft sand, Wise Wallaby celebrates this small but significant breakthrough with genuine joy.
Through practice and patience, through celebrating small victories along the way, Young Kangaroo learns to hop with complete freedom across the vast outback. And the story shows children, and parents, something beautiful: Every big accomplishment starts with small first steps. Every master was once a beginner. And having someone who celebrates your effort and progress makes all the difference.
Key lesson: Practice, patience, and celebrating small victories lead to mastery and genuine pride. Every accomplishment, no matter how small, deserves recognition.
After reading together: You can talk about the story with your child. You might say, "Remember how Wise Wallaby celebrated Young Kangaroo's first tiny hop? That's because even small hops are important! Just like when you learned to climb the stairs, or when you're learning to put on your shoes. Every step matters!"
You can even create your own celebration ritual inspired by the story. Maybe when your child accomplishes something they've been working on, you can say, "That was like Young Kangaroo's first hop! You kept trying and trying, and look what you can do now!"
Explore The Kangaroo Who Learned to Hop in The Book of Inara
You're Doing Beautifully
Here's something I want you to remember on the hard days, when you're tired and everything feels overwhelming. Building your child's confidence isn't about being perfect. It's about being present. It's about noticing, celebrating, and encouraging.
Some days you'll remember to use process praise, and some days you'll just say "Good job" because you're exhausted and that's all you've got. And you know what? That's absolutely okay. Your love and attention are what matter most. The fact that you're here, reading this, learning how to support your child's development, shows just how much you care.
The Magic Book and I believe in you. We see you showing up for your child every single day, trying your best, learning and growing right alongside them. That's what makes you a wonderful parent.
So today, I invite you to try this. The next time your toddler accomplishes something, anything at all, take a moment to notice their effort. Describe what you saw. Celebrate their persistence. And watch their little face light up with pride, not just because you're proud of them, but because they're learning to be proud of themselves.
That pride, that inner confidence, that belief in their own capability? That's the greatest gift you can give your child. And you're giving it to them, one celebrated moment at a time.
With love and starlight,
Inara
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Show transcript
Hello, wonderful parent! It's me, Inara, and I am so happy you're here today. You know, the Magic Book and I have been noticing something truly beautiful. So many parents are asking how to help their toddlers feel proud of their accomplishments, and I want you to know, this question shows just how much you care about your child's growing confidence.
If you've ever wondered whether you're celebrating your little one's achievements in the right way, or if you've worried that you might be praising too much or not enough, take a deep breath. You're exactly where you need to be, and I'm here to share some WONDERFUL insights with you today.
Let me tell you what the Magic Book has taught me about this precious stage of development. Your toddler, right now, between ages two and three, is in one of the most magical windows for building self-esteem and confidence. Every time they stack a block, put on their own shoe, or help you with a simple task, something incredible is happening inside their growing heart. They're discovering what they're capable of, and how you respond to these moments shapes how they see themselves for years to come.
Here's something that might surprise you. Research from experts like Dr. Elizabeth Gunderson at the University of Chicago has shown that the WAY we celebrate our children's accomplishments actually predicts their confidence and resilience five years later. Five years! That means the words you choose today, in this very moment, are planting seeds that will bloom throughout your child's childhood.
So what does this mean for you? Well, the Magic Book whispers this beautiful truth. It's not about praising more or praising less. It's about praising differently. When your little one accomplishes something, whether it's tiny or tremendous, the magic happens when you celebrate their EFFORT and their PROCESS, not just the outcome.
Let me give you an example. Imagine your toddler is trying to put their toys in the basket. They're concentrating so hard, their little tongue might even be sticking out. Some toys make it in, some bounce out. Finally, most of the toys are in the basket. Now, you could say, Good job! And that's lovely. But here's what makes the magic even stronger. You could say, Wow, you worked so hard to put those toys away! I saw you keep trying even when some bounced out. That took real patience!
Do you feel the difference? In the second response, you're noticing their effort, their persistence, their patience. You're teaching them that what matters isn't just the clean room, it's the courage to keep trying. And THAT, my wonderful friend, is what builds lasting confidence.
The research is so clear on this. When toddlers receive what experts call process praise, praising the effort and the journey, they develop what's called a growth mindset. They learn that their abilities can grow through practice and persistence. But when they only hear outcome praise, praising the result, they can become afraid to try new things because they worry about failing.
Now, I want you to know something important. If you've been saying Good job for years, you haven't done anything wrong. Not at all! You've been showing your child love and attention, and that's WONDERFUL. We're just adding a new tool to your parenting toolbox, a way to make those celebrations even more powerful.
The Magic Book also taught me this. Your toddler feels genuine pride when they master new skills. The experts at Zero to Three, an organization dedicated to early childhood development, observe that toddlers this age love to help with grown-up tasks and feel great pride when they can show you what they've accomplished. That pride is so important! It's the foundation of healthy self-esteem.
So how can you nurture that pride? Here are some beautiful strategies the Magic Book and I want to share with you.
First, notice the small victories. Your toddler doesn't need to climb a mountain to deserve celebration. When they wash their hands by themselves, when they share a toy with a friend, when they try a new food even if they don't like it, these are ALL accomplishments worth noticing. You might say, I noticed you shared your truck with your friend. That was kind and generous of you.
Second, be specific in your praise. Instead of just saying Great job, describe what you saw. You climbed all the way to the top of the slide! You were so careful with each step. This helps your child understand exactly what they did well, and it shows them you were really paying attention.
Third, celebrate the struggle, not just the success. This is SO important. When your child is working hard on something difficult, you can say, This is tricky, isn't it? I can see you're really concentrating. Keep going! You're learning! This teaches them that challenges are normal and that effort itself is valuable.
Fourth, let them feel proud of themselves. Sometimes, instead of immediately praising, you can ask, How do you feel about what you just did? or Are you proud of yourself? This helps them develop internal motivation, where they feel good about their accomplishments because THEY value them, not just because you do.
And here's something the Magic Book showed me that I absolutely love. Stories can be such powerful teachers for this lesson. Let me tell you about a story we have in The Book of Inara called The Kangaroo Who Learned to Hop.
In this gentle tale, Young Kangaroo is learning something that seems impossible at first. He watches other animals hopping with such grace and freedom, and he wants so badly to do the same. But his legs wobble and shake, and he tumbles down again and again onto the soft red earth.
Then he meets Wise Wallaby, a patient teacher with kind eyes and years of experience. And here's where the magic happens. Wise Wallaby doesn't just tell Young Kangaroo he's doing great. He celebrates each tiny step of progress. When Young Kangaroo takes his very first hop, just a tiny little bounce in the soft sand, Wise Wallaby celebrates this small but significant breakthrough with genuine joy.
Through practice and patience, through celebrating small victories along the way, Young Kangaroo learns to hop with complete freedom across the vast outback. And the story shows children, and parents, something beautiful. Every big accomplishment starts with small first steps. Every master was once a beginner. And having someone who celebrates your effort and progress makes all the difference.
After you read this story with your child, you can talk about it together. You might say, Remember how Wise Wallaby celebrated Young Kangaroo's first tiny hop? That's because even small hops are important! Just like when you learned to climb the stairs, or when you're learning to put on your shoes. Every step matters!
You can even create your own celebration ritual inspired by the story. Maybe when your child accomplishes something they've been working on, you can say, That was like Young Kangaroo's first hop! You kept trying and trying, and look what you can do now!
The National Association for the Education of Young Children reminds us that listening to children attentively and reflectively enhances their self-worth and confidence. So when your child shows you something they've done, give them your full attention. Put down your phone, get down to their level, look them in the eyes, and really SEE what they've accomplished. That attention, that presence, is one of the greatest gifts you can give.
And here's something I want you to remember on the hard days. Building your child's confidence isn't about being perfect. It's about being present. It's about noticing, celebrating, and encouraging. Some days you'll remember to use process praise, and some days you'll just say Good job because you're tired and that's all you've got. And you know what? That's absolutely okay. Your love and attention are what matter most.
The Magic Book and I believe in you. We see you showing up for your child every single day, trying your best, learning and growing right alongside them. That's what makes you a wonderful parent.
So today, I invite you to try this. The next time your toddler accomplishes something, anything at all, take a moment to notice their effort. Describe what you saw. Celebrate their persistence. And watch their little face light up with pride, not just because you're proud of them, but because they're learning to be proud of themselves.
And if you'd like more support on this journey, The Book of Inara is filled with stories that teach these beautiful lessons. Stories like The Kangaroo Who Learned to Hop show children that practice and patience lead to mastery, and that every small victory deserves celebration.
Thank you for being here with me today. Thank you for caring so deeply about your child's growing confidence. You're doing something truly important, and the Magic Book and I are always here to support you.
With love and starlight, Inara.
