Understanding Why Children Take Things: A Gentle Guide to Property Respect

What Is Really Happening in Your Child Brain

When children between the ages of five and six take things that do not belong to them, they are navigating one of the most important phases of moral development. Research shows us that their brains are actively building the neural pathways for impulse control, understanding ownership, and making choices based on values.

Think about it this way. Your child brain is like a cosmic construction site right now. The executive functioning skills that help them understand cause and effect, that help them pause before acting on an impulse, that help them think through consequences, these are all still being built.

The prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for decision-making and impulse control, is still developing and will continue developing well into their twenties. So when your child sees something they want and reaches out to take it, even though they know it belongs to someone else, their impulse is often stronger than their ability to stop themselves.

This does not mean they are being defiant or manipulative. This means their brain is learning. And here is something else that is SO important to understand. At this age, children are also developing their understanding of ownership. What does it mean for something to belong to someone? How do invisible rules about property work? These are complex concepts that take time and experience to fully understand.

What Research Tells Us About This Developmental Phase

The research on this topic is both fascinating and reassuring. Studies show that taking things is part of normal child development, and it typically peaks around ages five to six. This is precisely when children are testing boundaries and developing their moral compass.

It is important to remember that lying and stealing are part of normal child development. These behaviors typically increase around 5-6 years old as children test boundaries and develop moral understanding.

— Tracy Whitney, Creating a Family

The StatPearls research on developmental stages emphasizes that at ages five to six, children are learning adult social skills like giving praise and apologizing for unintentional mistakes. They are beginning to fully understand rules and regulations more deeply. They are building the foundation for understanding property rights, developing impulse control, and learning to make choices aligned with their emerging values.

Experts in child development tell us that children whose parents respond with calm teaching rather than harsh punishment develop stronger moral reasoning and better self-regulation skills over time. This is not about being permissive. This is about understanding that your child brain needs patient guidance to build these crucial skills.

The Role of Impulse Control

Impulse control challenges can make it difficult for children to resist taking things they want, even when they know it is wrong. Their developing brain is learning to manage the gap between desire and action. When they see something appealing, the impulse to reach out and take it can be overwhelming.

This is where your calm presence becomes SO powerful. When you respond with patience instead of anger, you are teaching them that mistakes are opportunities to learn, not reasons to feel shame. You are helping them build the neural pathways that will eventually allow them to pause, think, and make better choices.

Gentle Strategies That Actually Work

Now let us talk about what you can do to help your child through this learning phase. These strategies are backed by research and aligned with gentle parenting principles.

1. Stay Calm and Teach Rather Than Punish

I know this is easier said than done, especially if you feel embarrassed or worried about what this behavior means. But your calm presence is exactly what your child needs right now. When you respond with patience instead of anger, you are modeling emotional regulation and creating a safe space for learning.

Instead of harsh consequences, focus on teaching. Help your child understand why taking things hurts others and breaks trust. Use simple, clear language. When you take something that belongs to someone else, it makes them feel sad and worried. We want to be people who respect what belongs to others.

2. Make Ownership Concrete and Visible

Help your child understand ownership through concrete examples. Label your children belongings with their names or special colors. This makes the concept of mine versus yours visible and tangible.

When you go through their backpack together and find something that does not belong to them, approach it matter-of-factly. This does not have your name on it. Let us return it to its owner. This teaches the concept of ownership without creating shame.

3. Provide Supervision During Vulnerable Moments

If you know your child struggles with taking things, increase your presence during times when they might be tempted. Shop together with close supervision. Work with their teacher to create a plan that limits opportunities while they are building these skills.

Your presence also allows you to catch them making good choices. And praising those moments is SO powerful. I noticed you saw that toy you liked, but you left it on the shelf. That shows such good self-control. I am proud of you.

4. Teach Them How to Make Amends

When they do take something, help them return it and apologize. Model the words if they need help. I am sorry I took your toy. Here it is back. This teaches them that mistakes can be repaired, and that taking responsibility feels better than hiding.

Making amends is a crucial life skill. It teaches children that they have the power to repair harm they have caused. This builds both accountability and self-esteem.

5. Use Stories as Gentle Teachers

Stories provide a safe way for children to explore these big concepts without feeling like they are being lectured. When children see characters making choices, facing consequences, and learning lessons, they can practice moral reasoning in their imagination first.

Understanding the Timeline: When Will This Phase End?

Parents often ask me, How long will this last? And here is the beautiful truth. With your patient guidance, this phase is temporary. As your child executive functioning skills develop, as their understanding of ownership deepens, as their impulse control strengthens, you will see this behavior decrease.

Every time you stay calm, every time you help them understand ownership, every time you guide them to make amends, you are strengthening those neural pathways. You are teaching them that they are capable of making good choices, even when it is hard.

Most children move through this phase within several months to a year, especially when they receive consistent, gentle guidance. The key is patience and consistency. Your child is not broken. They are learning. And you are the perfect guide for this journey.