You notice it one morning at breakfast. Your six year old, who has been dressing themselves for months, suddenly needs help with their shirt. Or maybe your five year old, who was speaking in full, complex sentences, starts using simpler words and baby talk. Perhaps your child, who seemed so confident and independent just weeks ago, now clings to you and needs constant reassurance.
If this sounds familiar, I want you to know something important: you are not alone. What you are experiencing is more common than you might think, and it does not mean you have done anything wrong. In fact, what looks like your child going backward might actually be their way of asking for something they need to move forward.
The Magic Book and I have been learning so much about how children grow and develop, and today I want to share some beautiful insights with you. Together, we will explore what research tells us about developmental changes in young children, why these shifts happen, and most importantly, how you can support your child with patience, wisdom, and love.
Understanding What You Are Seeing
When we talk about developmental changes in 5-6 year olds, we are referring to moments when children seem to lose skills they had previously mastered. This might look like:
- Needing help with tasks they could do independently, like dressing, eating, or using the bathroom
- Using simpler language or reverting to baby talk
- Becoming more clingy or needing extra physical comfort
- Having more difficulty with emotional regulation than they did before
- Showing less confidence in social situations
- Resisting activities they previously enjoyed
When parents notice these changes, the first response is often worry. We think: Is something wrong with my child? Did I miss something important? Should I be concerned? These are natural questions, and they come from a place of deep love and care for your child.
Here is what I want you to understand, and this comes from experts who have dedicated their lives to studying child development: what you are seeing is not always true developmental regression. Sometimes, it is something else entirely.
What Research Tells Us
According to the Raising Children Network, reviewed by Associate Professor Natalie Silove, a developmental pediatrician and Head of the Child Development Unit at The Children Hospital at Westmead, developmental regression is when children lose skills they have already learned and have been using consistently. However, experts emphasize an important distinction: temporary behavioral changes during times of stress or transition are completely normal and different from true developmental regression.
It is important to trust your instincts and seek help if you notice your child showing signs of developmental regression.
— Associate Professor Natalie Silove
Research on attachment and emotional development reveals something beautiful. Studies from the National Center for Biotechnology Information show that children with secure, responsive relationships navigate developmental challenges more successfully. When children feel emotionally safe and supported, they develop stronger regulation skills and resilience over time.
Here is the key insight: many times, when children seem to regress, what they are really doing is asking for more emotional connection. They are saying, in the only way they know how, I need you right now. I need to feel safe. I need to know you are here for me.
Think of it like climbing a mountain. When you reach a particularly steep section, sometimes you need to take a step back, find better footing, and gather your strength before you can continue climbing. Children do this too, but with their emotional and developmental growth.
Why This Happens: The Connection Between Stress and Behavior
Five and six year olds are navigating a complex world. They are developing sophisticated social-emotional skills, learning to regulate big feelings, managing new academic expectations, and processing countless experiences every single day. According to the Ally Pediatric Professional Association, this age group is in a critical period of developing self-regulation and emotional competence.
When children feel overwhelmed by any of these challenges, they sometimes retreat to behaviors that felt safe when they were younger. This is not a conscious choice or manipulation. It is their nervous system seeking comfort and security in familiar patterns.
Common Triggers for Behavioral Changes
- Starting school or changing classrooms: New environments, teachers, and social dynamics can feel overwhelming
- Family changes: A new sibling, moving homes, changes in family structure, or shifts in routines
- Developmental leaps: Periods of rapid cognitive or physical growth can be emotionally taxing
- Social challenges: Navigating friendships, conflicts, or feeling left out
- Invisible stressors: Sometimes children process things we do not even know about yet
The beautiful truth is this: when your child seeks more connection, more comfort, more of you, they are showing you that they trust you. They know you are their safe place. That is not a problem to fix. That is a relationship to celebrate and nurture.
Gentle Ways to Support Your Child
So what can you do when you notice these changes in your child? Here are some research-backed, gentle strategies that honor your child needs while supporting their continued growth:
1. Increase Connection Moments
This might mean an extra five minutes of cuddle time in the morning, sitting with your child while they play instead of multitasking nearby, or really listening when they talk. Get down to their eye level. Show them with your full attention that they matter to you. These moments of connection fill their emotional cup and provide the security they need to venture forward again.
2. Validate Feelings Without Judgment
If your child is struggling with something that used to be easy, instead of saying you used to be able to do this, try saying this feels hard right now, does not it? I am here to help you. That simple shift from expectation to support can make all the difference. It tells your child that struggling is okay, that needing help is normal, and that you are on their team.
3. Maintain Routines While Offering Grace
Children thrive on predictability, but they also need flexibility when they are going through something difficult. Keep bedtime routines, mealtimes, and other anchors in place, but be willing to offer more support within those routines if your child needs it. Maybe bedtime includes an extra story. Maybe getting dressed includes more help than usual. That is okay.
4. Look for Patterns and Triggers
Pay attention to when these behaviors happen. Is it after school? Before bed? On certain days of the week? Understanding patterns can help you identify what might be causing stress and address it proactively. Sometimes just naming what is happening can help: I notice you seem to need more help in the mornings. Mornings can feel rushed, can they not? Let us figure out how to make them easier together.
5. Respond With Patience, Not Pressure
Resist the urge to push your child back to independence before they are ready. Pressure often increases anxiety, which can prolong the behavior. Instead, offer support freely and trust that when your child feels secure again, they will naturally return to their previous level of independence and often surpass it.
Stories That Can Help
One of the most beautiful ways to help children process what they are feeling is through stories. In The Book of Inara, we have a story that speaks directly to this experience:
The Room Where Hearts Speak Softly
Perfect for: Ages 6-7 (and mature 5 year olds)
What makes it special: Theo and Miles discover a magical room where they can see everyone invisible worries and struggles, including their own and even the adults around them. The story teaches that everyone, no matter how confident they seem, has moments when they need extra care and understanding.
Key lesson: When we are going through something difficult, what we need most is compassion and understanding, not judgment. Small acts of kindness and empathy can help heal hearts.
Why this helps: This story normalizes the experience of struggling and needing support. It shows children that having invisible worries does not mean something is wrong with them. It means they are human, they are growing, and they are worthy of kindness and patience. After reading this story together, you can talk about how everyone sometimes needs extra care and understanding, creating a safe space for your child to express when they are feeling overwhelmed or need more connection.
When to Seek Professional Guidance
While many developmental changes are normal and temporary, there are times when it is important to consult with your child healthcare provider. Consider reaching out if:
- Your child has lost skills and is not regaining them over several weeks
- The changes are significant and affecting multiple areas of development
- You notice other concerning signs like changes in sleep, appetite, or mood
- Your child seems distressed or unhappy most of the time
- Your instincts are telling you something needs attention
There is no shame in seeking support. In fact, reaching out when you need help is one of the most loving things you can do for your child. Early identification and appropriate support can make a tremendous difference, and healthcare providers can help you understand whether what you are seeing is a normal developmental variation or something that needs additional intervention.
You Are Doing Beautifully
Here is what I want you to remember, my wonderful friend. Your child is not broken. You have not failed as a parent. What you are seeing is likely your child way of communicating a need, and you have everything you need to respond with love and wisdom.
Trust yourself. Trust your child. Trust the process of growth, which is rarely a straight line upward but more often a dance of forward and backward, up and down, always moving toward greater capability and confidence.
The research is clear: children whose parents respond with patience and emotional availability during concerning behavioral changes develop better long-term outcomes. By offering your child the connection and security they are asking for, you are not spoiling them or enabling regression. You are building their foundation for lifelong emotional health and resilience.
The Magic Book and I believe in you. We believe in your child. We believe in the power of connection, patience, and love to help children through every challenge they face. You are doing beautifully, even when it does not feel that way. Especially when it does not feel that way.
With love and starlight, Inara
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- Understanding Regression in Preschoolers: Why Your Child Acts Younger and How to Help
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Show transcript
Hello, my wonderful friend. It's me, Inara, and I am so grateful you're here today. I want to talk with you about something that might be weighing on your heart right now. Maybe you've noticed your child acting differently lately, perhaps seeming younger than they did just weeks ago, and you're wondering what's happening. You're not alone in this, and I want you to know that what you're experiencing is more common than you might think.
The Magic Book and I have been learning so much about how children grow and develop, and here's something beautiful I want to share with you. When your five or six year old suddenly seems to lose skills they had mastered, when they start acting like a much younger child, it doesn't always mean something is wrong. Sometimes, it means something is happening beneath the surface that we can't quite see yet.
Let me tell you what the research shows us. Developmental changes in young children can look many different ways. Sometimes a child who was dressing themselves independently might suddenly need help again. Sometimes a child who was speaking in full sentences might start using simpler words. Sometimes a child who seemed so confident might suddenly become clingy or need more reassurance. And when we see these changes, our first instinct as parents is often worry. We think, what did I do wrong? Is my child okay? Should I be concerned?
Here's what I want you to understand, and this comes from experts who have studied child development for decades. When children go through periods of growth or stress or big life changes, they sometimes need to step backward before they can move forward again. Think of it like this. Imagine you're climbing a mountain, and you reach a particularly steep section. Sometimes you need to take a step back, find better footing, and gather your strength before you can continue climbing. Children do this too, but with their emotional and developmental growth.
Associate Professor Natalie Silove, a developmental pediatrician who has worked with thousands of families, reminds us that it's important to trust our instincts. If you notice changes in your child, it's always okay to reach out to your child's doctor or healthcare provider. They can help you understand whether what you're seeing is a normal developmental variation or something that needs additional support.
But here's what the research also tells us, and this is so important. Many times, when children seem to regress, what they're really doing is asking for more emotional connection. They're saying, in the only way they know how, I need you right now. I need to feel safe. I need to know you're here for me. And that's not a problem to fix, my friend. That's a call for connection to answer.
Studies on attachment and emotional development show us something beautiful. Children who have secure, responsive relationships with their parents navigate developmental challenges more successfully. When children feel emotionally safe and supported, they develop stronger regulation skills and resilience. So when your child seems to need you more, when they're acting younger, when they're seeking that extra comfort, responding with patience and warmth isn't spoiling them. It's building their foundation for lifelong emotional health.
Now, let me share some gentle ways you can support your child through this time. First, increase your connection moments. This might mean an extra five minutes of cuddle time in the morning, or sitting with them while they play instead of multitasking nearby. It might mean really listening when they talk, getting down to their eye level, showing them with your full attention that they matter to you.
Second, validate their feelings without judgment. If your child is struggling with something that used to be easy, instead of saying, you used to be able to do this, try saying, this feels hard right now, doesn't it? I'm here to help you. That simple shift from expectation to support can make all the difference.
Third, maintain your routines while being flexible with your expectations. Children thrive on predictability, but they also need grace when they're going through something difficult. Keep bedtime routines, mealtimes, and other anchors in place, but be willing to offer more support within those routines if your child needs it.
And here's something the Magic Book taught me that I think you'll find helpful. Stories can be such a gentle way to help children process what they're feeling. We have a story called The Room Where Hearts Speak Softly, where Theo and Miles discover that everyone, even adults, has invisible worries and struggles. The story teaches that when we're going through something difficult, what we need most is compassion and understanding, not judgment.
After reading this story with your child, you might find it opens up conversations about feelings and struggles in a way that feels safe and manageable. You can talk about how everyone sometimes needs extra care and understanding, creating space for your child to express when they're feeling overwhelmed or need more connection.
The beautiful thing about this story is that it normalizes the experience of needing support. It shows children that struggling doesn't mean something is wrong with them. It means they're human, they're growing, and they're worthy of kindness and patience.
Now, I want to be clear about something important. While many developmental changes are normal and temporary, there are times when it's important to seek professional guidance. If your child has lost skills and isn't regaining them, if the changes are significant and persistent, if you're seeing other concerning signs, please reach out to your child's healthcare provider. Early identification and support can make a tremendous difference, and there's no shame in asking for help. In fact, seeking support when you need it is one of the most loving things you can do for your child.
But for many families, what looks like regression is actually a temporary need for more emotional security during a period of growth or change. Maybe your child started a new school. Maybe there's been a change in your family. Maybe they're processing something you don't even know about yet. Children are so sensitive to the world around them, and sometimes they need to retreat to a place that feels safer before they can venture forward again.
Here's what I want you to remember, my wonderful friend. Your child isn't broken. You haven't failed as a parent. What you're seeing is likely your child's way of communicating a need, and you have everything you need to respond with love and wisdom. Trust yourself. Trust your child. Trust the process of growth, which is rarely a straight line upward but more often a dance of forward and backward, up and down, always moving toward greater capability and confidence.
The Magic Book and I believe in you. We believe in your child. We believe in the power of connection, patience, and love to help children through every challenge they face. You're doing beautifully, even when it doesn't feel that way. Especially when it doesn't feel that way.
If you'd like more support, you can find The Room Where Hearts Speak Softly and many other stories in The Book of Inara app. Each story is designed to help children navigate the big feelings and challenges of growing up, and to help you connect with your child in meaningful ways.
Thank you for being here with me today. Thank you for caring so deeply about your child's wellbeing. And thank you for trusting me to walk alongside you on this journey. With love and starlight, Inara.
