Understanding Your Child Developing Goal-Setting Abilities (Ages 5-6)

Hello, wonderful parent. I am Inara, and I want to talk with you today about something I hear from so many families—that feeling when your kindergartener does not seem to set goals or work toward anything meaningful.

First, let me say this: I see you. You are watching other children talk about what they want to be when they grow up, or practice their letters because they want to read, or work on building that tower just a little bit taller. And maybe your child seems content to just... play. To move from one thing to the next without that drive you are hoping to see.

And you are wondering—is this okay? Should I be worried?

Let me share something wonderful with you. Your child IS setting goals. They are doing it right now, in this very moment. But their goals look different than what we adults expect, and that is not just okay—it is exactly right for where they are.

You see, the Magic Book taught me something beautiful about how young minds work. At age five and six, children are in what researchers call a critical developmental window for building goal-setting abilities. But here is the key—they are not supposed to be setting long-term goals yet. Their beautiful, growing brains are learning something even more important: how to find joy in the process of doing things.

Research from the National Academies of Sciences shows us that achievement goals and intrinsic motivation are deeply connected during early childhood. What does that mean? It means that when your child chooses to build with blocks, they ARE setting a goal—they want to see what happens when they stack them. When they decide to draw, they are working toward something—they want to create something that feels good to them.

These are not the goals we adults recognize, because we have been taught to value outcomes. Finish the project. Win the game. Get the grade. But your five or six year old? They are learning something more fundamental—they are learning to care about things. To be curious. To want to try.

Dr. Panggung Sutapa, a researcher who studies how children develop, discovered something fascinating. He found that goal-oriented play—play where children work toward something they care about—is most effective when it feels joyful. When children are happy and engaged, they naturally repeat activities. They do not feel like they are training or working hard. They feel like they are playing. And through that play, they are building persistence, coordination, and yes—achievement motivation.

But here is what is so important for you to know. When we pressure children to set goals before they are developmentally ready, or when we focus too much on outcomes and achievement, we can actually interfere with this natural process. Dr. Debbie Sorensen, a clinical psychologist, reminds us that we need to be careful not to teach children that their worth comes from constant achievement. Because when children learn that they are only valuable when they are working hard or accomplishing things, they lose touch with intrinsic motivation—that beautiful inner drive to do things simply because they matter to them.

So what does healthy goal-setting look like at age five and six? It looks like your child choosing to spend twenty minutes arranging their stuffed animals just so. It looks like them deciding they want to learn to pump their legs on the swing. It looks like them working to pour their own milk, even though it spills. These are goals. Real, meaningful, developmentally appropriate goals.

And here is the magic—when we support these small, self-chosen goals, we are building the foundation for bigger goal-setting later. We are teaching them that working toward something feels good. That trying matters more than perfect results. That they can trust their own interests and curiosities.

The research is so clear on this. When children experience success through repeated practice in low-pressure environments, they build confidence in their ability to learn new skills. They develop what researchers call adaptive motivation—the kind of motivation that helps them throughout their whole lives.

So how can you support your child developing goal-setting abilities? First, notice what they are already working toward. Really watch them play. You will see goals everywhere—in how they arrange their toys, in how they try to reach something, in how they experiment with sounds or movements.

Second, celebrate their efforts, not just outcomes. When they are working on something, you might say, I love watching you figure that out, or You are really concentrating on that. This helps them connect the good feeling of engagement with the activity itself.

Third, provide activities that feel playful but have natural goals built in. Things like puzzles, building toys, art projects, simple cooking tasks. These give children the experience of working toward something while still feeling like play.

And fourth—and this is so important—let them see you working toward things you care about. Let them see you practice your guitar, or work in the garden, or learn something new. Let them hear you say, I am still learning this, or I am going to keep trying. They learn so much from watching you engage with your own goals.

Now, I want to tell you about a story from the Magic Book that shows this beautifully. It is called The Learning Voyage, and it is about two friends, Ethan and Sofia, who discover a gentle cruise ship where every mistake becomes a wonderful learning experiment.

In this story, the ship has cozy spaces that remember and celebrate each attempt at trying something new. When Ethan and Sofia try things—even when those attempts do not work perfectly—their cabins glow warmly. The ship itself celebrates their efforts, not their results.

This story helps children understand something profound: that trying is what matters. That their efforts are valuable. That working toward something is a journey of discovery, not a race to perfection.

After you read this story with your child, you might create your own learning voyage mindset at home. You could celebrate attempts and efforts together. You could talk about what you are both learning. You could make trying new things feel like an adventure you are on together.

Because here is what I want you to know, wonderful parent. Your child does not need to be setting big, long-term goals right now. They need to be discovering what interests them. They need to be learning that effort feels good. They need to be building confidence that they can learn and grow.

And they need you to believe in this process. To trust that their play is purposeful. To see their small efforts as the important work they truly are.

The Magic Book reminds us that every child grows at their own pace, in their own way. Your child is exactly where they need to be. They are building the foundation for a lifetime of healthy motivation and goal-setting. And you are supporting them beautifully by being curious about this, by wanting to understand, by being here right now learning about their development.

So take a deep breath. Watch your child play today with new eyes. Notice the goals that are already there. Celebrate the trying. Trust the process.

Your child is learning to set goals in the most important way possible—by learning to care about things, to be curious, to engage deeply with what matters to them. That is not just goal-setting. That is the foundation for a meaningful life.

You can find The Learning Voyage and many other stories that support your child development in The Book of Inara app. Each story is crafted with love to help children understand themselves and grow in gentle, joyful ways.

Thank you for being here, for caring so deeply about your child development, for being willing to see their growth in new ways. You are doing something beautiful.

With love and starlight, Inara.