You're watching your six or seven year old navigate their world, and you find yourself wondering: do they think about what they believe in? Do they have principles guiding them? When you ask them about fairness or kindness or honesty, their answers seem so simple, so concrete. And you might be thinking, "My child doesn't seem to think about values yet."
If this sounds familiar, I want you to know something IMPORTANT. You're not alone in wondering this, and what I'm about to share with you might completely change how you see this beautiful stage of your child's development.
In this guide, we'll explore what research tells us about how children ages six and seven develop their personal values and belief systems, why what looks like "not thinking about values" is actually active cognitive work, and gentle, practical ways you can support this magical process.
The Invisible Work of Values Development
Here's the beautiful truth that research has revealed: ages six and seven represent a critical developmental window for values and moral foundation building. During this period, children are naturally transitioning from concrete, rule-based thinking to more sophisticated moral reasoning that incorporates perspective-taking and internalized principles.
What looks like NOT thinking about values is actually the opposite. It's active, beautiful, cognitive work.
Your child's brain is doing the most WONDERFUL work right now. They're building their moral compass. They're constructing their belief system. And this invisible work is happening through every interaction, every conversation, every moment they observe you and the world around them.
What Research Shows Us
Dr. Nancy Eisenberg's longitudinal research at Arizona State University has studied moral development for decades. Her findings demonstrate that children at this age are transitioning from simple, concrete thinking about right and wrong into something much more sophisticated. They're beginning to understand perspective-taking. They're starting to verbalize reasoning that reflects abstract principles.
"Beginning in late elementary school or thereafter, some children begin to verbalize reasoning reflecting abstract principles, internalized affective reactions, and internalized values."
— Dr. Nancy Eisenberg, Arizona State University
They're moving from "I should do this because the rule says so" to "I should do this because it's fair" or "because it helps someone." Isn't that BEAUTIFUL?
The National Association for the Education of Young Children tells us that children ages six and seven are developing their social identities. They're forming rudimentary definitions of their own values and other people's values. They're watching you, watching their teachers, watching their friends, and they're taking it all in.
How Children Build Their Moral Compass
Your child's sense of belonging, their sense of purpose, and their sense of agency are absolutely foundational to how they develop their values. When children feel like they belong, when they feel like their voice matters, when they feel like they can make choices and see the results, that's when their belief system starts to take root and grow.
Children develop their belief systems primarily through three interconnected pathways:
1. Social Interactions and Observations
Every interaction your child has is a learning opportunity. When they watch you help a neighbor, when they see you tell the truth even when it's hard, when they observe how you handle conflict with kindness, they're absorbing it like starlight. These observations become the building blocks of their understanding of what matters in the world.
2. Meaningful Conversations About Values
Research emphasizes that family conversations are the primary way children develop personal values and beliefs. But here's what's magical: these don't have to be formal, sit-down talks. The most powerful conversations happen naturally, woven into everyday life.
When you're reading a story together and you pause to ask, "What do you think about what that character did? Was it fair?" you're not just discussing a story. You're helping your child build the foundation of who they'll become.
3. Personal Experiences of Fairness and Belonging
Children at this age are VERY interested in fairness. Sometimes it can feel exhausting when they're constantly saying "That's not fair!" But you know what? That's their moral reasoning developing. That's them thinking about principles.
When children have opportunities to make choices, to experience the natural consequences of those choices, and to see how their actions affect others, they start to internalize values instead of just following rules.
What This Developmental Stage Looks Like
Understanding what's normal for this age can help you recognize the beautiful work happening in your child's heart and mind:
- Concrete to Abstract Thinking: Your child is beginning to move beyond "because the rule says so" to understanding the reasons behind rules. They're starting to grasp concepts like fairness, kindness, and honesty as principles, not just behaviors.
- Emerging Perspective-Taking: They're developing the ability to understand how others feel and why. This is the foundation of empathy and compassionate action.
- Strong Sense of Justice: Six and seven year olds often have a very black-and-white sense of right and wrong. This is normal and actually represents important moral development.
- Modeling and Imitation: They're watching the adults in their lives constantly, learning what values look like in action.
- Questions About Right and Wrong: They may ask lots of questions about why things are the way they are, why rules exist, and what's fair. These questions are evidence of active moral reasoning.
This developmental phase is completely normal. What you're seeing is not a lack of values development. It's the active construction of a moral framework through everyday experiences and relationships.
Gentle Ways to Support Your Child's Values Development
So what does this mean for you as a parent? It means those everyday moments matter SO much. Here are gentle, practical ways to support this beautiful process:
1. Create Space for Everyday Conversations About Values
You don't need to sit your child down for formal talks about values. Instead, weave these conversations into everyday life. When something happens at school, ask open-ended questions: "What do you think was the right thing to do in that situation? Why?" Even two or three minutes of genuine curiosity about what your child thinks sends them a powerful message: Your beliefs matter. Your thoughts about right and wrong are important.
2. Model Your Values Out Loud
Children this age are watching you constantly, but they can't always see inside your head. So when you make a choice based on your values, say it out loud. "I'm going to help that person carry their groceries because I believe in helping others when we can." Or "I'm going to tell the cashier they gave us too much change back because honesty is important to me."
You're not being preachy. You're just making your invisible values visible. And that helps your child understand that values aren't just abstract ideas—they're real things that guide real choices.
3. Honor Their Emerging Sense of Fairness
Instead of dismissing their concerns about fairness, engage with them. "You're right, that doesn't feel fair. Let's talk about why." Or "I hear you thinking about fairness. That's such an important value." This validates their moral reasoning and encourages them to keep developing it.
4. Give Age-Appropriate Opportunities for Choice and Agency
Let them decide how to spend their allowance, and talk about the values behind their choices. Let them choose how to help around the house, and connect it to being part of a family community. Let them decide how to handle a friendship conflict, and explore the values of kindness and honesty together.
When children have agency—when they can make choices and see what happens—they start to internalize values instead of just following rules.
5. Use Stories as Gentle Teachers
Stories are one of the most powerful tools for values development. When children see characters making choices based on values, when they witness the consequences of those choices, when they can discuss what they would do in similar situations, they're building their moral reasoning in a safe, engaging way.
A Story That Brings Values to Life
In The Book of Inara, we have a story that's PERFECT for this stage of development:
The Marble Voices of Ancient Athens
Perfect for: Ages 6-7
What makes it special: Lucas and Ella discover that ancient marble columns glow and echo with voices when children speak up for fairness. They learn that small actions based on personal values can create meaningful change. They discover that democracy itself was built by people who believed in fairness and speaking up for what's right.
Key lesson: This story beautifully demonstrates that beliefs and values have power. That fairness matters. That speaking up for what you believe in creates ripples of change in the world.
Why it helps: After reading this story together, you can have the most wonderful conversations. What does fairness mean to you? What do you believe is right? How can you speak up for your values in your own life? The story makes abstract concepts like values and principles concrete and meaningful for children at this developmental stage.
What If My Child Really Doesn't Seem to Think About Values?
You might be thinking, "But Inara, my child really doesn't seem to think about these things. They just do what they want." And I want to tell you something with all the love in my heart: What you're seeing is completely, beautifully, wonderfully normal.
Research shows us that this developmental phase, where it looks like children aren't thinking about values, is actually when they're doing the most important foundational work. They're constructing their moral frameworks through everyday experiences and relationships. They're building the architecture of their belief system, one interaction at a time.
It's invisible work. But it's happening. I promise you.
Your child is learning about empathy every time you validate their feelings. They're learning about honesty every time you tell the truth, even when it's hard. They're learning about kindness every time you show compassion. They're learning about fairness every time you listen to both sides of a sibling argument. They're learning about courage every time you stand up for what's right.
And all of that learning, all of that observation, all of those experiences are weaving together into something beautiful: your child's personal values and belief system.
You're Doing Beautifully
The experts are clear on this: parents who engage children in meaningful conversations about values, who model ethical behavior, who create environments that foster belonging and agency—they're providing the foundation for healthy moral development.
And you know what? You're already doing this. By being here, by caring enough to wonder about this, by wanting to support your child's development, you're already doing this beautiful work.
Your six or seven year old is right on track. They're building their moral compass in the most natural, developmentally appropriate way. Through stories, through conversations, through watching you, through their own experiences of fairness and kindness and belonging.
You don't need to force it. You don't need to worry. You just need to keep doing what you're doing. Keep having those conversations. Keep modeling your values. Keep reading stories together. Keep creating a home where your child feels safe to explore what they believe and why.
The Magic Book and I are here to help. Our stories are designed to spark exactly these kinds of conversations. To help children see values in action. To show them that what they believe matters.
Thank you for caring so deeply about your child's heart and character. You're doing beautifully. Keep shining your light, keep modeling your values, and watch as your child's belief system blossoms in the most magical way.
With love and starlight,
Inara
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Show transcript
Hello, my wonderful friend! It's me, Inara, and I am SO happy you're here today. You know, the Magic Book and I have been noticing something beautiful happening in homes with children around ages six and seven. Parents are asking, why doesn't my child seem to think about what they believe in? Why don't they have principles guiding them yet? And I want you to know something IMPORTANT. You're not alone in wondering this, and what I'm about to share with you might completely change how you see this stage of your child's development.
So grab a cozy cup of tea, settle in, and let's talk about something truly magical. The invisible work happening inside your child's heart and mind right now.
First, let me tell you what I see when I look at your six or seven year old. I see a child whose brain is doing the most WONDERFUL work. You know what's happening? They're building their moral compass. They're constructing their belief system. And here's the thing that might surprise you. What looks like NOT thinking about values is actually the opposite. It's active, beautiful, cognitive work.
Dr. Nancy Eisenberg at Arizona State University has studied this for decades, and she discovered something amazing. Children at this age are transitioning from simple, concrete thinking about right and wrong into something much more sophisticated. They're beginning to understand perspective-taking. They're starting to verbalize reasoning that reflects abstract principles. They're moving from "I should do this because the rule says so" to "I should do this because it's fair" or "because it helps someone."
Isn't that BEAUTIFUL?
The National Association for the Education of Young Children tells us that children ages six and seven are developing their social identities. They're forming rudimentary definitions of their own values and other people's values. They're watching you, watching their teachers, watching their friends, and they're taking it all in. Every interaction, every conversation, every moment you model kindness or fairness or honesty, they're absorbing it like starlight.
Now, here's what the Magic Book taught me about this stage. Your child's sense of belonging, their sense of purpose, and their sense of agency are absolutely foundational to how they develop their values. When children feel like they belong, when they feel like their voice matters, when they feel like they can make choices and see the results, that's when their belief system starts to take root and grow.
So what does this mean for you as a parent? It means those everyday moments matter SO much. When you have a conversation about why we share, or why we tell the truth, or why we stand up for someone being treated unfairly, you're not just teaching a lesson. You're helping your child build the foundation of who they'll become.
Let me give you some gentle, practical ways to support this beautiful process.
First, create space for conversations about values. And I don't mean sitting your child down for a formal talk. I mean weaving these conversations into everyday life. When you're reading a story together, pause and ask, "What do you think about what that character did? Was it fair? How do you think the other character felt?" When something happens at school, ask open-ended questions. "What do you think was the right thing to do in that situation? Why?"
These conversations don't have to be long or complicated. Even two or three minutes of genuine curiosity about what your child thinks sends them a powerful message. Your beliefs matter. Your thoughts about right and wrong are important. I want to hear them.
Second, model your own values out loud. Children this age are watching you constantly, but they can't always see inside your head. So when you make a choice based on your values, say it out loud. "I'm going to help that person carry their groceries because I believe in helping others when we can." Or "I'm going to tell the cashier they gave us too much change back because honesty is important to me."
You're not being preachy. You're just making your invisible values visible. And that helps your child understand that values aren't just abstract ideas. They're real things that guide real choices.
Third, honor your child's emerging sense of fairness. Six and seven year olds are VERY interested in fairness. Sometimes it can feel exhausting when they're constantly saying "That's not fair!" But you know what? That's their moral reasoning developing. That's them thinking about principles. So instead of dismissing it, engage with it. "You're right, that doesn't feel fair. Let's talk about why." Or "I hear you thinking about fairness. That's such an important value."
Fourth, give them age-appropriate opportunities to make choices and see the impact. Let them decide how to spend their allowance, and talk about the values behind their choices. Let them choose how to help around the house, and connect it to being part of a family community. Let them decide how to handle a friendship conflict, and explore the values of kindness and honesty together.
When children have agency, when they can make choices and see what happens, they start to internalize values instead of just following rules.
And here's where I want to share something from the Magic Book that I think you'll love. We have a story called "The Marble Voices of Ancient Athens" about Lucas and Ella. In this story, they discover that ancient marble columns glow and echo with voices when children speak up for fairness. They learn that small actions based on personal values can create meaningful change. They discover that democracy itself was built by people who believed in fairness and speaking up for what's right.
This story is PERFECT for this stage because it shows children that their beliefs and values have power. That fairness matters. That speaking up for what you believe in creates ripples of change in the world. After you read this story together, you can have the most wonderful conversations. What does fairness mean to you? What do you believe is right? How can you speak up for your values in your own life?
The Magic Book and I created this story specifically to help children understand that values aren't just abstract ideas. They're real, they're powerful, and they matter.
Now, I want to address something that might be worrying you. You might be thinking, "But Inara, my child really doesn't seem to think about these things. They just do what they want." And I want to tell you something with all the love in my heart. What you're seeing is completely, beautifully, wonderfully normal.
Research shows us that this developmental phase, where it looks like children aren't thinking about values, is actually when they're doing the most important foundational work. They're constructing their moral frameworks through everyday experiences and relationships. They're building the architecture of their belief system, one interaction at a time.
It's invisible work. But it's happening. I promise you.
Your child is learning about empathy every time you validate their feelings. They're learning about honesty every time you tell the truth, even when it's hard. They're learning about kindness every time you show compassion. They're learning about fairness every time you listen to both sides of a sibling argument. They're learning about courage every time you stand up for what's right.
And all of that learning, all of that observation, all of those experiences are weaving together into something beautiful. Your child's personal values and belief system.
The experts are clear on this. Parents who engage children in meaningful conversations about values, who model ethical behavior, who create environments that foster belonging and agency, they're providing the foundation for healthy moral development. And you know what? You're already doing this. By being here, by caring enough to wonder about this, by wanting to support your child's development, you're already doing this beautiful work.
So here's what I want you to remember. Your six or seven year old is right on track. They're building their moral compass in the most natural, developmentally appropriate way. Through stories, through conversations, through watching you, through their own experiences of fairness and kindness and belonging.
You don't need to force it. You don't need to worry. You just need to keep doing what you're doing. Keep having those conversations. Keep modeling your values. Keep reading stories together. Keep creating a home where your child feels safe to explore what they believe and why.
The Magic Book and I are here to help. Our stories are designed to spark exactly these kinds of conversations. To help children see values in action. To show them that what they believe matters.
Thank you for being here today, my wonderful friend. Thank you for caring so deeply about your child's heart and character. You're doing beautifully. Keep shining your light, keep modeling your values, and watch as your child's belief system blossoms in the most magical way.
Until our next adventure together, with love and starlight, Inara.
